Funny I have had no inherent need to blog. Anywhere. About anything. The thought and pure idea of getting out a post was and is blasphemy to me. Not because I “quit” as to be believed, but more of the fact I had nothing to share of any importance. While my unimportance may be relevance to help ease someone’s pains of “been there, doing it” I just could not bring myself to write, because I had no need.
I have been writing, however, just not in the mommy sense.
Another comedic notion is that being a mommy, mom, parental unit has become a lateral position to my new “job” which is woman, wife, self, being. My return to the workplace awakened a slumbering soul. One I have not seen in many years. I have known who she was, who she once was, whom she is, and to whom she will be to others. I like this broad.
She is mellow, punctual, proud, energetic, loving, funny, beautiful, intelligent, creative, and most of all happy.
I am not saying I was not happy, I just found a new happiness. A blissful medium to being a parent and being a working parent at that. The former me was so career driven that family got in the way, now, I have fully embraced family as I work. Proudly posting arts and crafts in my office for others to see and the opportunity for me to gush over the creations by my spawn. Mundane to some and to others the template of perfection, what everyone yearns for, the family, the suburbs, the true happiness.
I found I love myself so much more as well. Embracing my body as a mother, my characteristics of mothering others by caring for them in a nurturing fashion, my ability to think logically and out of the box in order to calm even the most turbulent storms. Even though my own personal storms are worse for weather, with screaming, whining, carrying on of children, the rest of the world has been put into a calming state of organized chaos.
Or am I delusional?
Really I found the issues so many people worry about are an extension of their own problems and bull they cannot deal with on their own. My blog for instance and my whole “online” existence was a projection of the fact I was a stay-at-home mom bored out of her ever living mind. Lucky to speak at least 500 adult comprehensible words, I was tapped for obtaining adult and sometimes human fulfillment. Grasping at whatever was available and at times, that fulfillment came in the form of ass hats lacking frontal lobe synapse connections. In lay mans terms, a brain, I dealt with dumb people who believed that the whole world spun on axis with Twitter, blogs, and social media.
Granted, a good number of good people exist in that “realm” but let’s face it, I stopped blogging and I didn’t die. My blog did, but I didn’t. Do I care, nope. Did my readers care, not really. So in essence, nothing gained and nothing lost. Other than my humanity when I let myself get sucked into some seemingly alternate universe that is “mommy blogging” and I found myself later, once removed from said universe, realizing how minute that existence really is, and how no one other than those people knew what the hell any of it meant.
They made a movie about that you know…I believe it was called The Truman Show with Jim Carrey. Highly entertaining to watch someone in a world that is completely orchestrated to them and no one else and how it really isn’t the real world.
I find liberation in being myself again. Speaking my mind. Using my mind for that matter other than to tap at the keys these glorious words of utter minutiae at times. Choking down the idea of talking about my kids, when really that day they annoyed the living joy out of me, pulled all of the Tupperware out of the cabinets, flushed my new perfume down the toilet and the dog puked on the best rug. Now I can sit and enjoy my day. Enjoy the fact I get to be an adult, a woman, a goddess of finance for at least 9 hours a day and then come home to children who are eager to see me. Smiling faces and lots of hugs.
Not every night is perfect and they scream and carry on as children do, but I get to relish in the moments without feeling some need to go share with the entire world what we all did that day. About how my parenting skills may have lacked, or that I was constipated, or that I was pitched some product that I could give two worries about. I like knowing I have opportunities that are choice to me now, personally, professionally, and with my family.