I was pondering the words to print, what exactly do I want to get out of my head. Words, anything, feelings, emotions, rage, love, desire, silence. Listening to the rhythmic hum of my oven from cooking tonights late night dinner. The kids enjoyed choosing their favorite meal; peanut butter and jelly and bologna sandwiches. Making me mother of the year, by default, truly default by having purely no energy to cook this evening because of the exhausting day, the fight with traffic, and managing a litter of gnomes. I default as a parent. Among other things. Sadly I have been reminded of how piss poor I am to myself and my own reflection and self distinction. [click to continue…]
Funny I have had no inherent need to blog. Anywhere. About anything. The thought and pure idea of getting out a post was and is blasphemy to me. Not because I “quit” as to be believed, but more of the fact I had nothing to share of any importance. While my unimportance may be relevance to help ease someone’s pains of “been there, doing it” I just could not bring myself to write, because I had no need.
I have been writing, however, just not in the mommy sense. [click to continue…]
The other day I decided I needed to call my mother. I spent an entire week not speaking to her which if you know our relationship I talk to my mother religiously on a daily basis. Our talks are generally about our OCD tendencies to clean, organize, find structure in a mostly chaotic world of codependency, etcetera etcetera.
Anxiety began to rise inside me, the pumping of my blood, almost as if my fight or flight protection mechanisms were telling me to abort. Too late, she answered. Our conversations were the standard yadda yadda about life stuff, cleaning, work, what’s new with the weather, the same fucking shit as usual. Until I knew I had to pull the trigger. No one is my family can do it. EVER. A bunch of god damn ninnies is what they are, all talk and no action. [click to continue…]
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